Why Did I Write this Book?
My debut novel, A Mercy of Widows, was published August 2023. Of all the stories I could tell, why focus on death, dying, and Canada’s Medical Assistance in Dying (MAiD) rules? This question touches the heart of my personal experiences and my observations of society’s relationship with mortality.
The simplest answer is it’s the first story I needed to tell. The fuller answer is quite personal.
Personal Loss and Inspiration
I’ve lost two life partners to cancer. Their journeys were marked by profound suffering and difficult choices, experiences that left a lasting impact on me. These personal tragedies sparked my interest in how we, as individuals and as a society, handle end-of-life issues.
In one instance, we had wills for over a decade, written while we were common-law partners, naming each other as executors and beneficiaries. However, our eventual marriage nullified those documents. By the time he discovered this, cancer had left him too mentally incapacitated to draft a new will, resulting in him dying intestate. His final days were made more difficult by this obscure legal rule. Both men’s struggles with wrapping up their affairs inspired me to emphasize the importance of discussing estate planning, legacies, and asking unanswered questions before it’s too late.
Another pivotal moment came when a dear friend was diagnosed with a debilitating brain disease. Early on, he was already not mentally competent enough to qualify for MAiD. His anguish at being denied a pain-free death was heart-wrenching. He has now lived for years, acutely aware of his lost mental capacity and the worsening of his condition. Witnessing his cruel fate compelled me to delve deeper into the nuances of MAiD, its limitations and its implications.
Society’s Silence on Death
We don’t talk much about death, even though it’s a universal experience. It’s a topic shrouded in discomfort and avoidance. However, I believe that the enactment of MAiD legislation has given us permission to discuss death in ways we hadn’t before. This legislative shift has opened the door to conversations that acknowledge our mortality, allowing us to lead fuller, more intentional lives.
The Role of Stories
While this story is pure make-believe, the characters’ emotions and their potential calamities are not. Writing A Mercy of Widows helped me better understand the challenges inherent in making decisions about the quality of one’s life and death. Fiction allows us to confront difficult truths from a distance, providing a lens through which we can examine our beliefs and fears about death. My hope is that by engaging with my novel, readers will find their own answers to life’s ultimate challenges long before they need them.
Join the Conversation
Writing this book was a way to explore important topics and invite others into the conversation. I encourage you to join me in discussing life, death, and the choices we make. By sharing our stories and experiences, we can better understand these challenges and support one another.
Links for Further Reading:
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Q&A with Readers
How much of your story really happened?
I imagine most of these events happened to someone, somewhere, but thankfully not to me and my loved ones. My book is a novel, and therefore fiction rather than memoir.
I get asked this question a lot, and I wonder if it’s because I wrote this story in the first-person. I opted for that point of view, as I wanted readers to closely experience some of Heddie’s muddled thinking and poor judgement — both classic symptoms of her grieving — from the safety of their armchairs.
Okay, but is anything true in the story?
The details of jury selection and jury service are fairly accurate. I served on a jury once (for a second-degree murder trial), so many of the details I included are based on my own direct observation.
But I never got in trouble with the judge or our jury guard. And, no juror was excused and charged criminally with any offence. And, fortunately, I never had any run-ins with angry protesters or encountered the alleged murderer or my fellow jurors outside of the courthouse. The reactions of court officials to each of these situations in the novel, therefore, all sprang from my imagination.
Also, many of the details about Calgary are true. There really is a Bagot street and a Deerfoot trail, the bear safety suggestions are legit, zoo animals were very nearly housed in the courthouse during the 2013 flood, and the city really was a forerunner in using beet juice instead of sand or salt to aid traction on snowy and icy streets. And, many details about the courthouse itself are true and based on my observation augmented with research. I discovered, for example, that there really is a secured courtroom somewhere in the courthouse, but courthouse officials are mum on its precise location, so I took poetic licence when I invented the detail of its whereabouts.
In addition, the progress of the Medical Assistance in Dying (MAID) legislation and its amendments is also factually true for Alberta. And, Audrey Parker’s heroic (and tragic) actions really sparked important changes to make a MAID death more available.
Why did you write about medical assistance in dying (MAID), especially for your first novel?
Why indeed? The notion of an easier death has long been on my mind. I’ve attended the deathbeds of too many loved ones, and only one of those deaths can be described as “peaceful.” I’d observed the limitations of palliative medicine. And while I applauded the enactment of the MAID legislation in 2016, I quickly saw the safeguards were such that some patients would still suffer in their final days and hours.
Both my partners died before the MAID legislation came into effect in 2016, and neither would’ve had enough time between the diagnosis of their diseases and their untimely deaths — at 6 weeks for one and barely 3 months for the other — to apply and get approved for an assisted death.
And one of my longest and dearest friends got caught in the limbo of MAID safeguards. He wanted an easier death, but did not qualify — either under the original legislation or any of its amendments (as of 2023).
So, part of my reason for writing about MAID was to explore my own feelings about this important legislation, its safeguards, its pitfalls. I wanted to understand the emotions and questions of the bereaved alongside the patient’s considerations and decisions.
What kind of research did you do into MAID?
I had dozens of conversations on the subject: with people who applied for a MAID death, with medical personnel who work in palliative care, and with family members afterward. I met one family whose parent never shared their intentions before they died. I met another family whose parents both applied to die at the same time and shared their decision the morning of the procedure. I met another family whose members took sides and blamed each other (wrongly) for coercing the patient’s decision. I also read a few books. (My favourite is Stefanie Green’s This is Assisted Dying.)
Are you a dog trainer?
I have trained dogs, yes, but always under the careful supervision of an expert. My older dog, Bug — on whom Fella is loosely based — is arguably well-trained. Her recall is excellent, and she will race toward me whenever I call regardless of what she’d been doing beforehand. Bug also has an excellent vocabulary: dinner, treat, leave it and take it, the usuals (sit, down, stay). She can distinguish her preferred toys, specifically “ball” and “pig”. Her favourite game is fetch, especially if swimming is involved. But Bug is part border collie, and while I’d loved to take some credit for her skill, she mostly trained herself. My main contribution to her learning was consistency, as I used the same words and gestures to describe the same behaviors, and that repetition was enough for her to gain her many skills.
What ‘s the highest praise you’ve received so far?
A couple readers told me they updated their wills! They saw all the things that happened to Heddie because Hugh delayed too long in wrapping up his affairs, and they decided they’d spare their own loved ones that additional heartache. Another reader also said she’d updated her medical directive to inform her family of her wishes if she can longer speak for herself.
I am profoundly honoured that my book has sparked such challenging yet important action. None of us what to acknowledge our own mortality, and somehow we’ve associated writing down our wishes with admitting defeat. To me, preparing a will, a power of attorney and a medical directive is an act of love for my family.
Why was A Mercy of Widows so hard to find on Amazon when it first launched?
LOL. Because it got filed under “erotica”. I imagine anyone who bought it for that reason was sadly disappointed. I hope they got a refund.
Did you really steal a tree?
No. In real-life, I describe myself as a “rule follower”. I can’t imagine what disasters would have to befall me before I’d be willing to steal a tree.
As a follow-up, one of my beta readers — someone I’ve known for over twenty years and who helped me with the care of my second ailing partner — was quite cross with me when she believed I was somehow Heddie in disguise. She truly believed that I’d suffered the same mishaps (and maybe also displayed Heddie’s poor judgement) — and hadn’t asked her to help me out with any of it. It took some persuasion, but I think she was relieved to learn that Heddie’s challenges — Molly’s too — were make-believe.
I consider these sort of questions – did it really happen? did you do that? – to be another form of high praise. It suggests that I wrote a compelling story by making both characters and plot full and credible.
What advice do you have for aspiring authors?
Oh, boy. I’ve learned so many hard lessons while working on this project.
I guess my first bit of of advice is a truism. Write! I don’t think it matters what you write, as I think people can learn tons from writing stories, articles, journal entries. I personally cut my teeth on inter-office memos, and I learned a lot about word choice, tone, structure through that unexpected medium.
My second bit of advice is: Read! Read particularly in the genre that you want to write, and study those pieces long enough to figure out why they work for you.
My last pointer is: find yourself some like-minded writers and work with them as often as possible. Discuss craft with them. Share pages and (kindly, generously, light-heartedly) critique each other’s work. Work together to brainstorm solutions to plot holes, flat character arcs, credibility issues.
Are you working on another project?
Yes, I’m writing a story set on Haida Gwaii, the archipelago between Vancouver Island and Alaska on Canada’s west coast. The decision to set my next project there is an homage to my first partner, who was born and raised in a hamlet in the middle of the archipelago and always considered it home. The story will be an adventure — with some folks lost in the rugged rain forest and some criminals misbehaving — while also exploring (appreciating) some of the politics, art and culture of the people living there.
Mercy’s Village
It takes a village to create a book. Here are shout outs to the many many people who’ve helped me with A Mercy of Widows.
Learning My Writing Craft
The Write Practice – Early in my learning, I stumbled, almost literally, onto a webinar hosted by the founder of the Write Practice, Joe Bunting. I signed up first for an intensive 100-day drafting process, with daily emailed lessons, weekly writing assignments and critiques, and weekly office hours with Joe himself. I learned so much, I signed up for a more intensive year-long program. Four of the eleven writers in this program continue to meet regularly, and all of them remain key critique partners and cheerleaders. (The Write Practice website is: https://thewritepractice.com)
Daniel David Wallace (I fondly refer to him as DDW) – One of my critique partners told me about DDW’s summits and courses. DDW brings together dozens of speakers to explore a particular aspect of writing, everything from honing an authentic voice to finding one’s ideal readers. I’ve subsequently signed up for several of his speakers’ courses causing a bit of a cascade in my learning. (DDW’s website is: https://danieldavidwallace.com)
Laurie Schnebly at writeruniv.com – The same critique partner introduced me to Laurie Schnebly’s classes. I was also thrilled to have attended my first retreat with Laurie in the fabulous town of Oberlin, Ohio. Laurie creates intensive one- to three-week email courses with a twist. Every day, Laurie sends out an email featuring an article on the course subject and requests a specific homework assignment. When homework is submitted on time, Laurie carefully goes through each submission offering feedback, insights, guidance, suggestions, resources. I am slowly working my way through all of Laurie’s catalogue. (Laurie’s website is: https://booklaurie.com)
Memberships
Early on, I joined the Women’s Fiction Writing Association. The organization is run by volunteers, and offers an extensive catalogue of superb webinars, courses, mentorship programs, writer’s awards, a weekly newsletter, and a couple retreats. 2023 is the tenth anniversary for the WFWA and I am so grateful this important organization is enjoying such success. (The WFWA website is: https://www.womensfictionwriters.org)
Editors
Abigail K. Perry provided me with a gobsmackingly insightful diagnostic of an early draft. She provided plenty of insights about what was working with my story and what wasn’t hitting the mark. Then, she helped me brainstorm solutions to the many problems. (Abigail’s website is: https://www.abigailkperry.com.)
Jess McKeldon (through Reedsy) provided an equally thorough copy-edit, but of a later draft. (I actually lost count of the number of drafts I went through with this project.) Jess’s copy-edit was exacting, and she called me out on many cringe-worthy points. (Jess’s website is: http://www.jessmckelden.com)
Mentor
I was very fortunate to be paired with Melissa Collings as part of the WFWA mentorship program. Melissa has helped me craft a compelling first chapter, correct my originally inglorious middle, and develop a more satisfying ending. (Melissa’s website is: https://www.melissacollings.com. I love her weekly newsletter.)
Early Readers
I had one brave extremely early reader: Penny. The draft Penny read was so early, she had to contend with cardboard characters, missing plot elements, loose plot threads, typos and repetition. She saw something worthwhile in the story though, and has wanted regular updates since.
I had a cadre of official beta readers, and every single one of them offered me some important advice. Thank you to all. Daryll, Bobby, Chris and Dave, Erin, Paul, Kay.
Finally, I thank my critique partners. Tyler, Mary, Selma, Morticia, and Anne. These folks all read early chapters, entire manuscripts, and everything in between. Anne has probably read my manuscript as many times as I have. (I am exaggerating, but very slightly.)
Cheerleaders
So many people believed I would finally, eventually publish my stories. These people often had more confidence in my ability than I did. Thank you: Mom, Hilda, Marnie, Erin, Judy, Gladys, Kerri, Travis, France, Cassie, Anne, Jim, Chris, Mark, Janet(s), Edna, Daryll, Penny, Rita, Robert, Joan, Heather, Don, Bobby, Paul, Kay, Eileen, Cheryl, Jaime, Michi, Denise, Shereen.
Words cannot express how much I appreciate your encouragement and patience.
Photos
Kerri Martin, a friend and photographer out of Alberta took the profile picture of me for the book cover. If you are looking for eye candy, I recommend you look at her amazing wildlife photography at kerrimartinphotography.com.
Navigating the Digital Narration Landscape: Crafting A Mercy of Widows Audiobook
As the publishing world develops, so do the opportunities for indie authors to innovate and adapt. My latest venture into this dynamic terrain was the creation of the audiobook for A Mercy of Widows using so-called digital voices (also called virtual voices or AI). In this post, I’m sharing the insights gained from this process, offering a blend of resources, advice, and a candid analysis for others contemplating a similar journey. (I posted a step-by-step on Instagram about this. You can follow my Instagram posts here.)
Resources for Aspiring Audiobook Creators:
- Audacity: A free, open-source editing software that stands as the cornerstone of my DIY audio editing.
- ElevenLabs: The AI narration provider that became my tool of choice for digital voice creation. (Not free.)
- Educational Content: I leveraged online resources (Udemy and YouTube) to sharpen my editing skills and navigate the software efficiently.
Send me a photo of your A Mercy of Widows paperback for a free audiobook download link.
Key Advice for Your Audiobook Adventure:
- Economic Viability: AI narration is a cost-effective alternative to professional voiceover services, which can be prohibitively expensive. I estimate I would need to sell about 1000 copies of a professionally narrated audiobook to breakeven. Given the statistic that the average indie author sells 250 copies of her book over her lifetime — well, you do the math. No wonder only about 4% of indie books make it into audiobook.
- Performance and Quality: While AI voices can deliver clarity and precision, they often initially lack the nuanced emotions of a human narrator. I had to redo some sentences about a dozen times to persuade the AI to get the inflections and tone right. Also, related to this: a skilled human narrator can create distinct sounds for each character. Not so much AI. My solution? I used completely different voices — different pitches, timbre, resonance — for each character to help listeners distinguish one from the other.
- Transparency with Listeners: I’m very upfront that my audiobook is AI-narrated. I want my listeners to join the experiment with full knowledge of the innovative approach I’ve taken.
- Direct Sales Strategy: Third-party AI audios are not widely accepted on platforms yet, so direct sales remain the only current option.
Distribution Advisory for Digitally Narrated Audiobooks:
An important consideration for authors exploring digitally narrated audiobooks is the current limitation in distribution channels. As of now, direct sales remain the primary avenue for sharing AI-narrated works. While industry giants such as Amazon and Findaway Voices are experimenting with digital narration, platforms like ElevenLabs have yet to become partners in these ventures. This means that, at present—and possibly for the foreseeable future—access to broader distribution networks for audiobooks created with ElevenLabs’ technology is not available.
Analysis of the AI Audiobook Creation Process:
The journey with AI narration was anything but straightforward. It involved mastering new software, understanding the strengths and limitations of AI voices, and spending countless hours editing to ensure the final product met the gold standards for sound quality—mirroring the parameters set by platforms like Audible/Amazon/ACX.
While AI can weave words into audio effectively, the emotional depth and character diversity often fell short. Post-production work was essential to imbue the narrative with the emotional range, and this was where Audacity became an invaluable asset. Editing AI-generated audio was time-intensive and meticulous, requiring attention to detail to correct pronunciations and intonations.
Despite the snags, such as finding suitable voices for specific accents or character types, the process was ultimately rewarding. Using ElevenLabs allowed for a diversity of voices and control over narration that would have been difficult to achieve otherwise. Still, it required a delicate balance between the efficiency of AI and the artistry of human interpretation.
In conclusion, my audiobook project for A Mercy of Widows has been an enlightening experiment at the intersection of technology and art. The path has not been without its challenges, yet it stands as a testament to the possibilities that digital narration holds for indie authors. The outcome is a finely tuned audiobook that, I hope, elevates the listener’s experience and broadens the reach of indie stories.
When Fiction Sparks Action
It’s not every day that a writer hears their work has not only touched readers’ lives but prompted action. Yet, that’s the humbling feedback I’ve been receiving. To add to this honour, A Mercy of Widows was named a Finalist in the Wishing Shelf Book Awards.
Several readers have confided that Heddie’s struggle over Hugh’s estate in the book has opened their eyes to the chaos that can ensue from inadequate legal preparations. Moved by her story, they’ve updated their own wills and personal directives, ensuring clarity and peace for their loved ones.
Today, however, I received a message that struck a deeper chord. A reader, struggling to help her terminally-ill husband, found guidance and solace in my words. Facing the heart-wrenching reality of her husband’s terminal illness, she reached out for help on how to navigate the complexities of the assisted dying process. I connected her with @dwdcanada, who connected her with the services who helped her husband get approval for Medical Assistance in Dying (MAID). Although he is not ready to take that step, the peace they have found in having the choice for a dignified end is invaluable.
I am deeply touched and grateful that A Mercy of Widows could contribute to such a significant aspect of someone’s life. To know that my book can be a beacon during the most pivotal moments is a privilege beyond words. This is the power of literature – it can enlighten, comfort, and empower, even in the face of life’s ultimate truth.
A Murder? A Clash? A Crowder?
Ah, the whimsical world of collective animal nouns, a linguistic tradition that’s as quirky as it is charming! Did you know that these fanciful phrases date back to medieval times? They were initially coined by the gentry as a part of hunting etiquette – a way to distinguish the nobles from the peasantry and avoid any social faux pas in the process. The primary source for these terms is “The Book of Saint Albans,” printed in 1486. It’s a treasure trove of collective nouns, many of which are still used today, like a gaggle of geese.
The creation of these terms often stemmed from observations of animal behaviour (often infused with folklore and superstition) or notable characteristics. Interestingly, these collective nouns were not just limited to animals. Over time, as the English language evolved, collected nouns developed to include groups of people and even objects. (Some examples? A fleet of ships. A pack of cards. A panel of experts. A board of directors. A quiver of arrows. A ring of keys. A league of nations.) This expansion reflects the dynamic nature of language and how it adapts to societal and cultural shifts.
Here are some favourites featuring animals, all of which add a touch of humour, maybe even poetry, and vivid imagery to the description.
- A group of rhinos is known as a “crash,” probably because of their hefty speed combined with not-so-great eyesight. Imagine them barreling along at 50 kph, barely seeing 10 metres ahead – crash indeed!
- Owls, those wise nocturnal birds, are collectively called a “Parliament.” This term, popularized in part by C.S. Lewis’ “The Chronicles of Narnia,” reflects their ancient association with wisdom and knowledge in Greek mythology.
- Hyenas, with their laugh-like calls, are aptly named a “cackle.”
- Elephants, with strong family bonds and impressive memories, are sometimes referred to as a “memory.”
- For giraffes, what could be more fitting than a “tower” of giraffes?
- What about the humble house cat? While a group of kittens is a “litter,” adult cats are collectively known as a “clowder”. This term has its roots in the late 1700s, where it evolved from the word “clodder,” meaning a clotted mass.
- We’ve slandered crows since the 15th century, insisting upon calling their groupings a “murder”. Medieval folklore and superstition considered crows harbingers of doom.
- In the modern world, the collective noun for sloths, decided by popular vote, is a “snuggle.”
- Lastly, a group of zebras is known as a “dazzle,” possibly because their stripes can create a dizzying effect, making it hard for predators to single out individual animals.
These terms aren’t just linguistic flourishes (or the stuff of trivia games). They offer a glimpse into how language evolves and reflects our perceptions of the natural world. From the humorous to the poetic, collective nouns for animals add a layer of richness and creativity to our language, inviting us to see the animal kingdom through a more whimsical lens.
Heddie’s Doodles
In the quiet confines of her jury room, Heddie, our protagonist, found an unexpected form of therapy in doodling her notes. While some might see it as a mere distraction, for Heddie, it was a crucial method for processing the traumatic experiences unfolding in the courtroom and her life.
Each stroke of her pen was not just a mindless scribble; it was a step towards understanding and coping with her heavy emotional burden.
Doodling, as researchers have found, engages the brain’s executive functions, tapping into areas responsible for processing emotions and memories. For Heddie, the act of doodling while listening to the trial unfold was a way to keep her brain active and focused.
But Heddie’s doodling was also a quiet act of rebellion. Each doodle was a small victory, a moment where Heddie reclaimed a part of herself from the overwhelming forces of societal expectations and personal grief. In this way, her seemingly insignificant sketches become powerful symbols of resilience and defiance. Heddie’s doodling, thus, is not just an act of self-expression, but a quiet resistance against the constraints that bound her.
Positives of Doodling:
- Improves Memory: Doodling can help with recalling information.
- Enhances Creativity: It stimulates new ideas and solutions.
- Reduces Stress: Acts as a relaxing activity, lowering anxiety levels.
- Improves Focus: Helps in maintaining attention during long tasks or meetings.
- Enhances Emotional Expression: Offers a way to express feelings non-verbally.
- Brain Activation: Engages different parts of the brain simultaneously.
- Improved Problem-Solving: Encourages thinking out of the box.
- Better Emotional Health: Can be a form of emotional release or processing.
- Mindfulness: Encourages being present in the moment.
Potential Downsides of Doodling:
- Misinterpretation: Might be seen as a lack of attention or disrespect.
- Distraction: Can divert focus from the primary task.
- Incomplete Work: Over-doodling might lead to unfinished tasks.
- Limited Application: Not beneficial in all types of learning or work scenarios.
- Over Reliance: Might become a crutch rather than an aid in some cases.
Some Books on Doodling and Creativity:
- “The Doodle Revolution” by Sunni Brown.
- “Sketchnote Handbook” by Mike Rhode
- “Doodle Theory Anywhere!” by Nate Padavick.
- “Doodle Art and Lettering” by Joanne Sharpe.
- “The Art of Doodle Words” by Sarah Alberto.
